Stay Safe
It wasn't about being happy or unhappy. I just didn't want to be me anymore.
Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye
Journal Entry
Please take a few minutes to answer the following questions:
1. Do you feel safe with your co-parent? Does your co-parent make you afraid? Does your co-parent feel safe with you?
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When It Is Too Much
We have talked about anger, grief, stress, and other feelings. We gave you some ideas to deal with those feelings. But sometimes you can’t do it by yourself. Your anger, grief, or stress are not going away. You might need help from an expert. You might need counseling or therapy.
Are any of the following true for you?
I can’t go to sleep at night without a pill.
I don’t want to get up in the morning. I am always tired. I have no energy.
I can’t eat. Nothing tastes good.
I want to eat all the time. Eating is the only thing that makes me feel better.
I often feel like I need a drink of alcohol or other drugs.
I don’t want to be with people. I stay away from my friends.
I am making lots of mistakes at work.
I don’t care what I look like. I don’t want to take a shower or comb my hair.
I can’t concentrate. I can’t pay attention to a task very long.
I get lots of stomach aches and headaches. I didn’t have this problem before.
I think about hurting myself or ending it all.
If any of these statements sound like you, get help. You might feel like this for a day or two or now or then. That is normal when you have a break-up or find yourself alone. But if the feelings last longer, don’t wait. Talk to a counselor, a minister, or a therapist. Some ideas are provided at these sites:
Stay Safe
Many times we have said that you need to stay in contact with your co-parent. It is important for your children to know both parents. But sometimes it is not safe for you or for your children. You need to pay attention to warning signs.
Warning signs of physical violence
Are you being hurt? Maybe these things happened to you when you were together. Maybe they have happened since you separated. When we say “physically hurt”, we mean things like hit, kick, push or shove or other physical acts that can cause injury.
Has your co-parent ever physically hurt you in the past?
Does your co-parent hurt you or try to hurt you when you see each other now?
Does he or she threaten to hurt you? Are you afraid he or she might hurt you?
Warning signs of mental abuse or control
Are you feeling bad about yourself? Does your co-parent …
Tell you that you are a bad person and say you are worthless? Are you starting to believe it?
Change who you think you are? Are you quiet and shy now, even though you used to be fun and out-going?
Try to control everything you do? Does he or she want to know where you are all the time? Does he or she try to do this even if you don’t live together anymore?
This Violence Wheel
Is it happening to you?
The violence or control can take many forms. It can happen all the time or once in a while. For some people, it might continue or even get worse after separation. Maybe you hoped it would end when you weren’t living together anymore. But it does not always work that way. The first step is to look for the warning signs. If you see them in your life, get help. You will not be able to have a simple divorce or separation. Find a domestic violence program in your community or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE [7233] for private support. They will help you decide how to move forward. They can be helpful even if you and your co-parent are not together.
Journal Entry
Please take a few minutes to answer the following question:
1. List some of the ways that you have demonstrated being a safe co-parent.
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